That is, believe in yourself, but don't always believe yourself. Bumper sticker wisdom advises, "Don't believe everything you think," and, while we shouldn't follow just any bumper sticker wisdom (I'm looking at you, "Honk if you love peace and quiet!"), I think this is some good, free advice. The evidence-based therapeutic modality Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on the concept that we can feel better by first noticing--and then changing--our inaccurate thoughts and beliefs. Have you ever spent a few minutes just listening to the way you talk to yourself as you go about your day? What do you say to yourself? In the 1960's, psychiatrist Aaron Beck noticed that his patients had a running internal dialogue of emotion-filled thoughts, which he called "automatic thoughts." An example of an automatic thought might be, "I never get things right. Guess I'll never learn," or "He/she just yawned... I must be so boring." These thoughts would pop into Beck's patients' minds without their awareness. With help, though, Beck's patients could learn how to first pay attention to automatic thoughts and then to challenge them. Beck found that identifying these thoughts was instrumental in helping clients to solve their problems. Over time, behavioral techniques were introduced alongside these cognitive approaches, and CBT was born. This brings me to "Believe in yourself, but don't always believe yourself." According to some estimates, we have up to 70,000 thoughts per day. By paying attention to at least some of them (for starters, the ones that scream the loudest), we can begin the process of changing our perceptions, our emotions, and our behaviors. The next time you find yourself thinking, "I'll never get this right!" try consciously restating that message. See how you feel when you instead tell yourself, "Every day, I learn a little more." This Ted Talk by David Burns, author of the classic work on CBT and depression Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, provides some additional insight into CBT and its benefits.
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How are you managing financial stress in these tough times? Below are a few tips, along with a list of resources I hope you'll find helpful.
1). Take stock of your finances and make a plan. While budgeting may feel stressful in the short term, focusing on what you can control increases feelings of self-efficacy. Create a realistic plan that supports your financial wellness and mental health. 2). Pay attention to your coping mechanisms. Identify and address any harmful, stress-triggered behaviors (overeating, undereating, abusing alcohol, lashing out at family members, etc.). Engaging in too much retail therapy? For now, unsubscribe from your favorite stores' emails, remove shopping apps from your phone, and leave online purchases in your cart for 24 hours before clicking "Checkout." 3). Get support for your financial and emotional well-being. Some financial organizations are providing pro-bono advice to people who've lost income as a result of COVID-19. For emotional support, connect with a trusted friend or a helping professional via video conferencing or by phone. Don't hesitate to reach out--ask for help or offer it--now more than ever, we could all use a little extra kindness. Resources: Free and Low-Cost Financial Advice https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/investing/free-financial-advice/ Consumer Credit Counseling https://credit.org/cccs/ Free Meditations and Resources for COVID Anxiety https://www.virusanxiety.com/?utm_source=Shine&utm_medium=Sumo The National Suicide Prevention Hotline https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ The National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/help/ Many of us feel vulnerable to quick-fix weight-loss gimmicks ("cleanses," "detoxes," "clean-eating challenges," etc.) at this time of year. Perhaps we've spent a few weeks overindulging in food or drink. Perhaps we've found ourselves surrounded by critical family members, or we've felt the sting of loneliness or disappointment as the year--the decade--came to an end. Advertisements promising change in the form of slick before-and-after pictures are seductive. After all, shouldn't losing weight make us happier? At the very least, won't it make us healthier?
Resist the urge to restrict your food intake. Strict diets almost always lead to binge eating. Research documents this, but anyone who's experienced the inevitable slide into a bag of chips or a pint of ice cream after a period of dietary restriction probably doesn't need to read the evidence: The restrict-binge cycle is real. Whether the binge that follows a diet lasts for one meal or for weeks, it can leave us feeling defeated. For some, the restrict-binge cycle has devastating emotional effects. By maintaining a balanced nutrition plan, we can avoid the potentially negative physical and emotional aftereffects of this cycle. Resist the siren song of "New year, new you." So what's The Being Well's response to all the quick-fix messaging? Quiet the noise urging you to change your life by changing your body. Instead, embrace the tension of holding two ideas firmly in your mind at the same time: 1). radical acceptance, and 2). mindful change. Radical acceptance is the notion that, no matter what, you are worthy exactly as you are at this very moment. It's true, it's real, and (as contradictory as it sounds) it is the path to mindful change. When you resist the magic pill, when you resist punishing yourself for your perceived failures, you make room for intentional, sustainable change. Resist all-or-nothing thinking. Whatever mindful change you wish to make, be sure to affirm each step you take toward health. Frame your health goals in constructive language: What can you add to your life (a walk around the block, coffee with a supportive friend, more sleep) rather than subtract from it? Document your progress in terms of positive action steps and celebrate your victories. By honoring your accomplishments, however small, you practice both self-acceptance and mindful change. You are worthy right now, just as you are. You are also capable of immense change. |
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